Where did 2013 go?
A year ago I was in a completely different house, in a completely different town, just starting out a new job and wondering if the world was really going to end on December 22nd. Or 21st. Or whatever Doomsday was this time.
Well, it’s time to kiss 2013 goodbye, telling the door to smack it hard on the ass on its way out so it can be done for good.
I’m welcoming 2014 with open arms. For the last half of 2013, I felt like there’s been a dark cloud hovering over the entire world. It seems like no one can get ahold of themselves. But the first half of the year is always the best.
Since last year, I have moved twice, entirely rewrote a draft of my novel (pending cover pictured to the left), indented a great portion of the sequel with the inspiration of another round of NaNoWriMo, and entered into my mid-20s. The quarter life crisis. The time when one really starts to self-evaluate and figure out what they want to do, where they want to go, and how they’re going to go about getting there.
I first started this blog in September 2012, and I told myself I would never stop writing for it. In the last two months, I’ve only done two blog posts. I’ve been feeling so neutral, so “blah” to the world. Just a small blogger with a big voice, shouting as loud as I can and hoping someone will hear me. It’s the same being a novelist. Or a poet. Or just someone who enjoys writing short stories. It can get discouraging when you feel like you pour your heart and soul into something, and never get anything back.
Not to say I haven’t gotten anything from this blog. I’ve just felt…small. Like what I’ve had to say over the last few months didn’t matter. Or wasn’t important to anyone else. It’s hard to comprehend that other people like your work, when you’re your own worst critic. On the flip side, it’s hard to have something you’re really proud of be criticized, knocking you off your pedestal a bit and lowering you a peg or two. I’ve been spending much of the last few months proof-reading and editing my novel, and banging my head into the wall the whole time. It’s discouraged the rest of my writing (apart from my journal), because I haven’t felt good enough.
It’s the point, from what I hear, that every writer hits. And, in most cases, it seems like the self-doubt, as weird as it sounds, is the calm before the storm. The time when success, inspiration, skills, everything come from nowhere and take over your life, forcing you to adhere to destiny’s call whether you wish to or not.
I got some intense feedback on my novel recently, and I’m going to be spending a few months evaluating everything my novel is…meaning I’ll probably be around posting some writerly insights. I’m kicking off 2014 by visiting the place my novel starts out in…It’s a pivotal point to the story, but it’s so short that I’ve put off the trip until I knew I was ready. I’m terrified to go out there. It’s like looking int my dream world, and watching it become a reality. I’m hoping in this whole process I get back into the blogging community. I haven’t even talked to any of my formerly dedicated readers. Or read any of their stuff. I’ve been so lacking.
So, with that being said, let us writers enter 2014 with high hopes and a smile on our faces. We are not small. We are the voices that carry the imaginations of the world.