Construction From Hell

I was unaware “painting” was such a loud event.

We received a letter from our landlords a few weeks ago about how they were going to start re-painting the outsides of everyone’s houses. They’re starting, however, with the rain gutters.

About two weeks ago, I got a nice, bright, early wake-up call (I’d say around 7:45 AM) because of these people climbing onto my roof and removing the rain gutters from my house. Now, I understand they want to get a head start. I understand they can’t know I work at night, so it’s nothing to them. But do they have…to be…so loud?

It sounded like a Trolloc was walking on my roof. I have pictures hanging on the wall I thought were going to fall off. My roommate’s dogs were going crazy. At first in my disoriented stage, I thought we were getting abducted by aliens. So, after being forced to wake up at 7:45 AM, sleepy and dreary, I make my coffee, go about my daily business, whatever.

Around 12 I get a knock on my door. After 4 hours of this most obnoxious noise of them removing our rain gutters, I go down to find one of them standing at my door.

“Yes?” I ask, trying to be nice but also trying to make it obvious their life to me, at this point, is pointless.

“Excoo me,” he says, not fully comfortable speaking English. “The dogs. We need them to go.”


“They’re dangerous and we have to get over there.”


“We broke a pipe.”

First of all —

These are the dogs they're scared of.

These are the dogs they’re scared of.

Like — I have functioning organs bigger and scarier than these dogs, OK? Calm down.

Second of all —

What do you mean you broke a pipe?

Apparently amidst their pranks and their fun (because laughing and joking is totally the thing to do when you’re on the second story of someone else’s house removing part of it), they dropped one of the gutters and hit the pipe we use to water our garden. Although I can’t lie, my first thought was it might be an excuse to get me out of work for the day, but what the hell man!

Now, these two dogs up here are cute, but they’re also a pain. I’m allergic to the one who’s not smiling and the one who is smiling pees if he’s left alone. This causes a dilemma, because they’re not allowed to be in the house alone but I can’t hang out with them. Ugh. So after I had to lock them up into a little room (as annoying as they are, I really did feel bad for it), the men left.


They didn’t even fix the pipe. To my knowledge, they never did.

One of my roommates is severely OCD. Not in a bad way. I’ve never lived in a house this clean, it’s kind of nice. OK really nice.

The backyard and our front lawn look like a hurricane came through to finish up what a tornado had started.

All of the dirt from our roofs and rain gutters came tumbling down onto all of our concrete. Of course, that’s a logical thing to happen — but they left that too. I was on my way out to work when she got home, and I honestly thought she was first going to sh*t out her stomach and then throw up her heart. I could see it in her eyes — she didn’t feel like she’d come home. I’m just glad I wasn’t the one who had caused the mess, because I would have had a very impromptu vasectomy if I tried to leave that mess.

Not the best picture -- the backyard was worse -- but I was trying to remain hidden.

Not the best picture — the backyard was worse — but I was trying to remain hidden.

And then they just left everything.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I woke up the other day to them tagging our house, and one of them was sitting on the perch outside of my window looking at me. Listen, I’ll let you all know right now: There’s a reason my blinds are always shut and a reason I love living on the second floor so much. That, right there, is one of my biggest fears. What a creeper! What if I sleep naked? I can’t. I can’t even delve into how weird that was. Granted, I do sleep without my contacts and my vision was blurred, so perhaps he wasn’t looking directly in to my window, but he was too close for comfort.

And then today rolls around. The time to install new gutters!

I thought we were having an earthquake. My first thought went to all of my belongings hanging, again. My windows were rattling. Even my bed was shaking. They dropped one of the gutters off the roof (again), they asked me to put my dogs away (again), and they were out there at 7:45 AM (again.)

And they haven’t even started painting.

Please, just keep the ruccus down and clean up after yourselves. I don’t have the energy to do your bitch work.


2 thoughts on “Construction From Hell


    I get up at 6:30 every morning but I can imagine it being really goddang annoying to get woken up like that.


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