Why Turkeys Are Served on Thanksgiving

  • Have you ever actually heard a turkey gobble?
  • Have you ever heard two turkeys fight?
  • Did you know turkeys can fly?

These are questions I thought I would never really have to worry about. It seemed logical that a gobble would sound just like a human makes it sound. It seemed reasonable that two male turkeys would stand their ground when they needed to, just like any other species. It seemed plausible that turkeys can, in fact, fly due to their wings — if their size is ignored.

What I did not, however, spend time thinking about was what turkeys were like when they were not sitting on a sandwich or in the middle of the table for Thanksgiving.

I wish the worst thing about Wild Turkeys was the hangover (as in, it should only be an alcohol.) My house and surrounding area is infested with these stupid birds, and I swear if I get my hands on a gun I’m taking them all down. Thanksgiving for everyone, early in June.

As for the above questions:

  • Have you ever heard a turkey gobble? “Gobblegobble. Gobblegobble. Gobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobble.” Think that’s annoying? Try listening to that at six in the morning when the turkeys have decided your front lawn is the place to communicate. Real talk, fast forward this video to one minute exactly, and welcome to my wake-up call:

I could kill myself listening to this. It awakens a rage I never thought would ever be awoken by a f*&^*ng bird.

Next question.

  • Have you ever seen two turkeys fight? For real, though, it’s kind of intense. And when, again, the six am wake-up call on your front lawn is happening, all you can do is lay there and listen. Maybe you cry in sadness because sleep is a distant memory now. Maybe you’re envisioning the gun you can go buy and remove the heads of these bastards. Maybe you’re wondering if they’ll leave your car alone this time. (I’ll get to that.) As for the following video, funny enough — the guy took it at 6 A.M. Coincidence?

Get out of here, turkeys, you’re drunk. And you’re pecking on my car. Seriously, they walk up and down the street pecking on everybody’s cars when they’re not fighting. When I went home and visited my parents, my dad asked me what I did to the hood of my car.

“It was the turkeys,” I said.

“Excuse me?” he said.

“The fucking turkeys. Pardon my French, but they’re everywhere and they’re always gobbling and pecking our cars and I hate them.”

Apart from my outburst in language, I get a laugh.

You think this is funny? You think these turkeys have not become the bane of my existence?!

I digress.

On to the next.

  • Have you ever seen a turkey fly? While the answer may seem like a “duh”, there are birds that don’t fly. And when you’ve never put too much thought into whether or not a turkey can, in fact, fly, and then they start to fight and gobble in your lawn and appear in front of your window — when you’re on the second floor — you start to worry. If you’re so inclined to watch, have at it:

He says they don’t have to worry about Thanksgiving. Muahahaha, Thanksgiving can come any time of the year, my friend. All I need is a big ol’ turkey (and they’re all sitting in my front lawn), some cranberry sauce (easy), cornbread (easy), some stuffing (easy), and some yams with marshmallows (easy) and I can have Thanksgiving whenever I so choose.

Watch out, turkeys. If Christmas can come in July, Thanksgiving can come in June.


12 thoughts on “Why Turkeys Are Served on Thanksgiving

    • Oh…my…good…Lord. If that was outside of my room at 6 in the morning I would go CRAZY!!!!!!!! ugh. I hate birds. I really, really hate birds. I can’t think of a single bird I don’t want to throttle. Hahaha. This is why I stick to mammals.

  1. Be thankful they are not wild pigs. Nice story of one mans fight with nature (I really mean on man. I have never heard of this condition with wild turkeys before. Usually they are really shy)

  2. They’ve made quite a comeback; never saw them in Massachusetts until the 1990s. Just a few years ago had a family only a few blocks away in Cambridge.

    Having just reread “The Birds” (the short story on which the movie is loosely based), I’m happy that du Maurier could not bring turkeys into the story, as it was set in England.

    • I should get my hands on that…That’s the one that Alfred Hitchcock did, right? (the movie, not the book haha.)

      Also, I promise I’m going to finish Martha’s children. I’ve just been super distracted and I want to pay it attention, ya know?

      • Yep, that’s the one. Hitchcock made major changes, but the basic idea was the same.

        I appreciate attentive readers. 🙂
        Actually, I fell behind in a few blogs in March when I came down with a virus, Andrew, so I’m having to play catch-up myself on some stories. I’m in no position to hurl stones, believe me.

      • Perfect 🙂 Yeah June kinda decided to take a dump on me, so I wasn’t even that present on my own blog this month. But when life throws you lemons, spike the lemonade and you’ll feel great. Haha.


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