- Have you ever actually heard a turkey gobble?
- Have you ever heard two turkeys fight?
- Did you know turkeys can fly?
These are questions I thought I would never really have to worry about. It seemed logical that a gobble would sound just like a human makes it sound. It seemed reasonable that two male turkeys would stand their ground when they needed to, just like any other species. It seemed plausible that turkeys can, in fact, fly due to their wings — if their size is ignored.
What I did not, however, spend time thinking about was what turkeys were like when they were not sitting on a sandwich or in the middle of the table for Thanksgiving.
I wish the worst thing about Wild Turkeys was the hangover (as in, it should only be an alcohol.) My house and surrounding area is infested with these stupid birds, and I swear if I get my hands on a gun I’m taking them all down. Thanksgiving for everyone, early in June.
As for the above questions:
- Have you ever heard a turkey gobble? “Gobblegobble. Gobblegobble. Gobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobblegobble.” Think that’s annoying? Try listening to that at six in the morning when the turkeys have decided your front lawn is the place to communicate. Real talk, fast forward this video to one minute exactly, and welcome to my wake-up call:
I could kill myself listening to this. It awakens a rage I never thought would ever be awoken by a f*&^*ng bird.
- Have you ever seen two turkeys fight? For real, though, it’s kind of intense. And when, again, the six am wake-up call on your front lawn is happening, all you can do is lay there and listen. Maybe you cry in sadness because sleep is a distant memory now. Maybe you’re envisioning the gun you can go buy and remove the heads of these bastards. Maybe you’re wondering if they’ll leave your car alone this time. (I’ll get to that.) As for the following video, funny enough — the guy took it at 6 A.M. Coincidence?
Get out of here, turkeys, you’re drunk. And you’re pecking on my car. Seriously, they walk up and down the street pecking on everybody’s cars when they’re not fighting. When I went home and visited my parents, my dad asked me what I did to the hood of my car.
“It was the turkeys,” I said.
“Excuse me?” he said.
“The fucking turkeys. Pardon my French, but they’re everywhere and they’re always gobbling and pecking our cars and I hate them.”
Apart from my outburst in language, I get a laugh.
You think this is funny? You think these turkeys have not become the bane of my existence?!
On to the next.
- Have you ever seen a turkey fly? While the answer may seem like a “duh”, there are birds that don’t fly. And when you’ve never put too much thought into whether or not a turkey can, in fact, fly, and then they start to fight and gobble in your lawn and appear in front of your window — when you’re on the second floor — you start to worry. If you’re so inclined to watch, have at it:
He says they don’t have to worry about Thanksgiving. Muahahaha, Thanksgiving can come any time of the year, my friend. All I need is a big ol’ turkey (and they’re all sitting in my front lawn), some cranberry sauce (easy), cornbread (easy), some stuffing (easy), and some yams with marshmallows (easy) and I can have Thanksgiving whenever I so choose.
Watch out, turkeys. If Christmas can come in July, Thanksgiving can come in June.