Query Letter Help

Goodness gracious. This query letter-ing business is a pain. Bust out a 140,000 word novel and then get stuck on the query letter -_-.

For those of you writers who read this (whom? I never get that right), I need help on my query letter! I keep seeing all sorts of different approaches, and I can’t seem to completely find a consecutive one… The bases are all the same, but the execution is always different.

  1. The one line/one paragraph hook.
  2. The author bio.
  3. The sign off.

Some queries I see are about 200 words just touching on all of those, but then some are way longer, and I even read a published one that was seven paragraphs, but still one page.

I don’t get it.

Then there’s the variation of

  1. The hook.
  2. The plot.
  3. The author bio.
  4. The sign off.

Not to mention variations on if you need an SASE or if you’re only contacting them via e-mail, etc, etc.

Anyway, I don’t know if it’s “kosher” to post my pending query letter (and by pending I mean first draft, only three hours of sleep and this is no where near ever being complete but I need help), but I’m going to post it anyway.

Please, please, pleeease any feedback would be awesome. On expanding, on condensing, on all that good business.

Thank youuuu.

Also, if you press the “Like” button, you can throw in a couple of words in the comment section. I’m just saying.




My novel, Immortality Awaits: Book One in the Objects of Inwit Series, is a story that follows Donovan Carter, whom begins a cycle of recurring dreams that beckon himself and his closest friends to fight a war in a world they don’t believe in, and their lives are turned around forever when their destiny calls.

My name is Andrew J. Stillman. I have a degree in Humanities and Communications with an emphasis in Creative Writing and Social Action. Novelist and blogger, I’m interested in furthering my career by seeking representation of my work to take the next step in my life.

Thank you for taking the time to read my query, and I hope to hear from you soon.

(And then my contact information that I’m not posting online.)

So there are my three paragraphs, in roughest draft form. Where now can I go? Is the hook cool? And then should I do a small paragraph touching on more of the plot line, or leave it thus? Is my bio too short? Too long? Too narcissistic? Not enough? Is my thank you at the end too brief?

I never thought this would be this difficult.

PS, I know this is not a good query. That’s not what I’m asking for, so please be constructive in your help and not criticizing. I would be crazy if I tried to send this to an agent.


11 thoughts on “Query Letter Help

  1. Is a query letter sort of like a cover letter for a job application?

    I don’t know much about query letters, but the least I can do is tell you with 95 percent certainty that “whom begins a cycle…” should be “who…”

    And maybe switch the first and second paragraphs? I feel like your second paragraph is a good lead-in to the first, as you’re talking about taking the next step in your life by looking for representation of your work, more specificall, the aforementioned novel from the first paragraph.

    But like I said, I don’t know jack about query letters 😛

    • I was looking up the who/whom thing and I get confused all the time haha.

      Thank you for your feedback! I don’t know jack about query letters either, apparently haha. Although I’m relatively sure the second paragraph needs to stay down there because it has to open with a tagline for my book so they’re interested in finishing. The second paragraph is more like a follow-up kinda deal.

  2. Oh, gosh. I wish I could help. I’ve never written on before, but your letter is clear, concise and well-written. I am sure they will appreciate that you get right to the point. I will tweet this and let’s see if anyone can help… Good luck. You are awesome. Do blanket compliments help any? 🙂


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